May: Positivity In Loss

The Many Sides of Loss

I feel myself struggling to explain the sentiments of loss in all its wide definitions, but also how it affects our lives as quilters. No one's life is immune from loss, but some people manage better than others. It makes me wonder how the same experience is processed differently by people. Losses in our quilting life are much lighter in comparison to everyday life, but I think the psychology of things that trip us up is the same. We save certain fabrics and tiny scraps, form deep attachments to things we've created, and question if we really have to give that quilt away! But the process of making, completing, and gifting a quilt is full of decisions based on these concepts. Can we make some of them easier by changing our attitude about them?


The last post I spoke about eating healthier, loss of joint pain, and losing weight--good things, but I've felt some other kinds of loss this year. One of the hardest things I experienced was having an argument with my oldest, childhood friend, and her death before we had worked it out. Loss in the most elemental form of both friend and friendship, and reconciliation impossible. Loss reaches both extremes.

Is Losing Always Bad?

We tend to think of loss in negative terms, but that's not always the case. If someone said to me, "Name the first things that come to mind when I say 'loss, lose or losing', I would say, "Death, weight, job, fight, friend, money, nerve," and so on. Most of those words signal devastation or fear. Is it any wonder when we say 'lose weight'  and tell kids they'll 'lose their teeth' that we might not be completely okay with it down deep? Hmmm. 

Holding on to things feels safe while giving them away freely can be a hard concept to accept positively--even if that thing is bad for us! One of our daughters had a blankie with her all the time when she was small. It took a lot of courage for her to allow it to be washed even when it reached the unsanitary stage! 

In myself, I see it when I store a battered skillet as a back up in the pantry when I have a brand new one in the kitchen. Or how used twisty ties end up breeding in a kitchen junk drawer? Isn't being frugal a good thing? We may need those things we save! Up to a certain point, I agree it is. But what about the things you have too many of or can no longer use? Can you pass them on? We say, "We're giving them away." Sometimes those words make it easier, but not always. Isn't it still losing something?

What's the big difference?

The gurus of simplified living will tell you rules of thumb like, "If you haven't used/worn/noticed it in 6 months, you don't need it." Perhaps that helps us justify the loss. 

Beyond material things, we continue bad relationships because we think it's too harsh to end it or we have too many years invested. Yes, even if it's no longer healthy. 

The Attitude of Gratitude

So let's brainstorm how we can turn our thinking, change our words, and create a positive scenario. 

"The other side won."

"We did not win this time."

"We'll try harder next time."

"I'm choosing to eat things which make me feel good." 

"I'm still Me. It's just my clothes are getting too big."

"I have some things to share with others."

"I have more than I need."

In the case of losing my friend, I had to come to terms with it. She might have passed on, but I had a conversation out loud with her one afternoon in the garden. I apologized for my mistake, and said we would continue the conversation someday. I guess you would say that was closure since I no longer felt it was unresolved. It didn't stop me from feeling sad about her death, but the anger of not laying things right was over.

Our Lives As Quilters and the 

Concept of Losing Rethought

Ask anyone making a quilt who it's for, and most of the time it's for someone other than themselves. A relative, a friend, and in some cases for someone they've never met. Yes, a charity quilt. We quilters are big on giving.

The Opposite of Loss

In making one of my first charity quilts, I felt like it took forever as a new quilter. When it was finally done, someone asked me if I was just giving it away. Just like that it would be gone. And actually, I was fine with it. I think it was easy from the start because each time I make a quilt, I see a face of a women with small children, an older man and his wife, many kinds of people, but those who need me to give so they can receive. 

I can share warmth, security, and love for others by giving a quilt. But in reality aren't I losing time, money, and fabric? Yes and no. The good feeling I get completely displaces any idea of loss. My gain is far greater than the effort put into the quilt. "For it is in giving that we receive," is something easier understood through experience.

That same wise daughter that dragged the pillowcase blankie has grown into a beautiful woman, and pointed out to me: "Losing sight of what was created or given up does not mean it ceases to exist or doesn't count anymore. It's still there, but is put to use where you cannot see it. The meaning is still relevant." Thanks, B. 

What do you think of when you hear, 

"Loss, lose, or losing?"

Have you ever had something negative  made 

positive just by changing your attitude? 

Do you have any ideas about your work that would benefit 

from a change in thought or action?

The hour is late, and I have work that is waiting. While there is more to this post, I will share it later. In the meantime, peace to you, and...

Come on, Doxie girls.

Let's go sew.

Linking up with~
Crazy Mom Quilts